A Cheap Trick and A Cheesy One-Liner: An Iron Man 3 Recap

The opening of Iron Man 3 is just so typically Black and Downey, and so Tony Stark:

“A famous man once said we create our own demons. Who said that? It doesn't matter. Now two famous guys have said it.” Tony pauses. “I'm gonna start again.”

It's an atypical superhero movie, which is my favourite kind. A love a movie that can turn a genre on its head or make fun of itself. By the way, I think Tony's referencing Oscar Wilde, but it could be a number of different people. Maybe it's even a reference to Robert Downey Jr. himself.

The slow-mo burning of the Iron Man suits is always a good shot. But then Tony is just being Tony, with all that reflective self-talk and it's back to being an Iron Man movie and its not taking itself too seriously. Can you imagine my delight when the opening credits came on?

It really was a song of the time. I was seven at the time when it was first released but it still made a big enough impression for me (and anyone else my age) to scream with laughter when “YO LISTEN UP” booms across the Paramount stars and mountain title card.

Taking it back to this time, we immediately see Tony at the height of his asshole-ish self. Were the sunglasses (of that size and shape) indoors not a big enough giveaway to you that he was about to do something awful and not care? Well, I don't hate Tony at all but the glasses I don't really like. Also I prefer him without slicked back hair, but that's mostly a superficial thing. I associate Tony's hairstyles with certain points in his life. I suppose you can do that with anyone, but maybe that's a detail I'm not supposed to care about as much as I do.

Either way, BAM – New Year's Eve 1999, and there's Rebecca Hall as Maya Rudolph. I love her. I was so glad she was in this.

Did anyone else sob a little? I know I did.

I think this is just a trope making fun of itself again – whenever there's a flashback of some kind, there's a grooming choice deemed regrettable by modern eyes. The mullet is definitely one of those things we'd all, as a species, would like to forget. I'll stop being mean about it because at least if you had a mullet you'd always be able to say “Business at the front, party at the back.”

Pathetic nerd archetype. By now we know how Tony would react to someone like this. He's not one to be polite and pretend to listen to a business proposal. Also he talks about getting his beak wet at one point and I always make a face at that. Ew, Tony. Ew.

So flash forward 13 years and Tony's a better person and he's trying to get a suit to be autonomous and it's Christmas and blah blah blah but I still love him just being goofy. Half the time in these scenes I don't know whether RDJ is in character or not. Except when he does a peace sign because that is blatantly a RDJ thing. I just felt you roll your eyes at my admiration. Stop that.

Admittedly, this was freaky when I first saw this in the cinema. Any kind of terrorist that is portrayed so well by an actor as brilliant as Ben Kingsley will do that to me. I think it's all the more scary because it's a man speaking in English with an American accent, with footage of him wandering through a group of people touching their heads like a prophet, instead of just a guy in a cave with a translation on the bottom. I think it's a “I know you, and I know how to kill you” type thing.

I love that they make a dig at the Iron Patriot. War Machine is so much better. It just is.


  

"I loved you in A Christmas Story, by the way."
Brilliant line, and the kid is adorable, but the second he whispers “HOW DID YOU GET OUT OF THE WORMHOLEEEEEEEEEEEE?” he's like the kid from The Omen and I want Tony to get the hell out of there.

Along with a blatant ad for Skype (it's okay, Marvel, I forgive you... sort of) Happy is suspicious of Aldrich Killian, but really, who wouldn't be? Your best friend's girlfriend has some random feeling her up in her office with his bald lackey waiting in the hallway (seriously Savin is a prick and I HATE him) and you're just supposed to stay schtum about the whole thing. Obviously he doesn't because the plot doesn't really move forward unless Happy is suspicious. My point is that I would be, too. No-one is that smooth in real life. Not even George Clooney is as smooth in real life as he portrays himself in those Nespresso ads.

I just got seriously sidetracked but back to Pepper. What is with the rabbit? Did anyone else just go “WHY?” because really, Tony has better taste than that? We thought? Huh? But we already know it's something he'd do.

I thought the mullet was bad but then I remembered the stupid Vegeta headset. The gadget redeems itself later but I still think it looks stupid. Like I said, I guess I can't see past some basic things like that sometimes because I'm a visual person. Also I'm a fusspot, I guess. Okay, let's put a positive spin on this and pretend it's a homage to Dragon Ball Z. Now I feel better.
  

Pepper gives Tony this “no shit” response when he admits he's riddled with anxiety. His only solution (he thinks) is through perfecting his suits. Pepper is trying to tell him he's not his suits. Tony doesn't learn this until way later, though. Such is the hero's journey.

I'd like to think Pepper is wearing a Stark Expo shirt for a pajama top. It's probably just something from Threadless, but whatever.

I seriously hate this guy. Maybe it's because his “I'm evil!!!” behaviours are so in your face. He kind of enjoys doing bad things too much. And he just doesn't die, so that's annoying. Also he's smug and made sure Happy got hurt.

Ellis to me is just the Generic White President. He doesn't say or do much, but he's a good person. I'm not trying to be crude. It's just an action movie thing.

“That was a bad idea,” I thought when Tony gives the entire world his home address, which is 10880 Malibu Point, 90265.

I always envy Tony for having an AI like JARVIS at his disposal. I just think of all the homework I'd get done that much faster if I could run a cluster of articles together like JARVIS does in seconds.

“We're still on ding-dong?”
It's a fair point. Everyone else was thinking it. The way Tony kind of casually deals with the danger just reinforces the perception that he has a massive ego and this is just typical.

OH GOD I HAVE A SON OH I DON'T THANK GOD WHAT A FUNNY JOKE MAYA YOU SAY THE DARNEDEST THINGS HA HA HA

For the record, Pepper isn't jealous. She's just that angry at Tony that she's acting particularly vicious when a reminder of his flawed characteristics turns up when Pepper is already at her wit's end. Pepper isn't petty, she's just scared of terrorists, which is understandable, I'd like to think.

I remember seeing the first two Iron Man movies and thinking that Tony having a house on a cliff was potentially dangerous. How everything crumbles and slides into the sea just proves my point. Also there's a couple seconds of one of Tony's Audis rolling over the cliff's edge, which wasn't the worst product placement because it's like they're saying “Hey, the car made it this far. Must be a good car.”

In a couple hundred years we'll have ads warning us about the dangers of sleeping while flying. If we hadn't thought that was a bad idea already.

Okay, time for me to be lame again and admit I actually teared up (my friends can vouch for this) when JARVIS shuts down, leaving Tony totally alone. I'm just attached.



This is a sad moment, at least in the trailer. In the movie it's just kind of funny to me, that Tony finds dragging the suit a really tough job and something he took for granted because he's usually inside it. Also it's symbolic because he's literally bearing the weight of his creation in a snowstorm. His message to Pepper almost has the movie take a totally Serious Hero Movie turn, but then the poncho line just brings us all back.

I can't get over how adorable Harley is. I know I never will. Like any other kid in that universe, he thinks the Iron Man is the most awesome thing he's ever heard of and doesn't really idolise Tony anywhere near as much as the actual suit, which is making the point that he doesn't know Tony that well at all, he just knows the symbol of Iron Man as being an ass-kicking entity. I think it's the same as all those times a kid has thought rockets and spaceships are cool; not necessarily the people behind the science experiments or equations that got those things into space. I'm not trying to put Harley into the Ignorant Kid corner, but he is just more impressed by Iron Man than Tony.

Don't even think that for a second Tony is beneath arguing with a child, or telling the child not to be a pussy.

Keeping in mind that Pepper is unsure if Tony is alive, I find this shot heartbreaking.

It wasn't the massive twist later that made me any less scared of the Mandarin. To me, it was when the Mandarin's location is known to the audience. A villain is far less frightening when there is a lack of mystery. He's bad, but he's here and he's not going to jump out of nowhere any more. There's a lack of surprise. And maybe I'm desensitised when it comes to violence but the oil stooge getting shot wasn't that menacing to me. Why would he negotiate with the President if not to undermine his authority?

Harley is the audience surrogate in many ways. If I met Tony Stark I'd ask too many questions and would make him uncomfortable. He'd get annoyed by me easily, just like he does with Harley. But me talking about me meeting Tony Stark is just a can of worms we should never open just for the second-hand embarrassment alone.
  

"DO YOU HAVE PTSD??????????????????"

Weird lumberjack outfit. Tony incognito is vaguely Bear Grylls.

Nails deadpan reaction like yes, this is a dangerous situation. Typical Whedon.

Smart guys cover their asses. It's one of Tony's philosophies. It might also be a throwback to The Avengers when Tony says he'd just “cut the wire” instead of laying down on it, as Cap doubts he ever would. By this point I am beyond over Savin and his stupid smug face.

"Because we're connected."
Tony just can't help himself, and neither can I stop my cackling every single time.

I'd like to know where I can get one of those mugs. That's a big-ass mug.

“WARMACHINEROX with an 'x'. All caps.”

Bless Marvel for continuing to have these Stan Lee cameos because they never get old and you never know when they're going to pop up.

"Hispanic Scott Baio."
I'd hate to know how often this creepy fan stuff would happen to Tony.

What we already know is emphasised again by Maya in this scene: science plus ego equals bad. She talks wistfully about pure science, and then we learn it's because Maya is guilty. Her ambition outweighed morality, at least for a while. It was the same for Tony when he used to make weapons. Extremis started out as pure – the DNA recoding idea that meant to Maya endless possibilities if she could work out all the glitches, and then she took money from bad people with massive egos and thought it was worth it to try her damnedest to perfect it. Maya knows she made a mistake but it's far too late since Extremis is now a weapon. She only used Tony to get Extremis perfected, while Killian wanted revenge and power.

Instead of caffeine to stay awake, Tony gives Harley too much sugar, which I find endearing.

Tony has another anxiety attack not because he is reminded of a wormhole but because he feels powerless. He is so blinded by fear of the unknown that he is too insecure to remember how capable he is without an armour. Harley just has to remind him that he's a mechanic and then Tony is okay because he knows he built the Mark I with a box of scraps in a cave.



VIOLENCE SWAG

Step aside, everyone. Sir Ben is here.
First of all, yeah, I realise a lot of die-hard fans of the Iron Man comics were disappointed, and some, outright offended by the Mandarin reveal. I found it hilarious and just bizarre enough. I don't poke holes in these things. I just don't.

This stupid butthead.

I love what Maya wears in this scene so damn much.

Just to be clear, Maya is not chasing Tony. She's still driven by her ambitions, and working with Tony seems like the best idea and that's the only reason why she helped Killian kidnap Pepper. She doesn't believe in using Extremis for evil. And it isn't even stable at that stage, so that's why she whips out the name tag with the equation on the back, only to be totally thrown by Tony not remembering writing it. Maya is intensely flawed, and Tony points it out: she lost her sense of morality. Also WOW WAS HER DEATH UNNECESSARY but I guess the point was that if you deal with some dodgy people, it'll bite you in the ass eventually.

Ponytail Express looks a lot like Val Kilmer.

"You breathe fire? Okay."

“Honestly, I hate working here. They're so weird.”
I love that they make fun of the henchmen trope in comic book movies. Like, seriously I hope they have a union for all the bullshit they go through being part of evil-doers' plans.

This is a gem of a shot which basically sums up an entire character without any dialogue.

This is obviously a joke about the security precautions the Secret Service doesn't take when the Iron Patriot suit turns up to board Air Force One and just gets on it without talking. I guess it's because it's the most patriotic-looking thing in the superhero universe, they had to make fun of it more than once. The War Machine was just that much more bad-ass to me.

This is going to sound awful, but I'm so glad he's finally dead.  

This is quite an extraordinary stunt sequence and I loved it. In any other movie, the hero would have to choose who to save because he could only carry four, but because it's Iron Man, he can save all 13 and then receive a round of applause. Also Tony's a smart dude, in case you forgot.

I HATE that trophy line. It's just so degrading to women and totally lame for a villain to be that archaic about unrequited love.

Tony is terrible with stealth and guns because neither are part of his style. Although he built weapons for years he knows very little about firing a gun because he's not a soldier. There's another point to it, though: Tony is not the technology he builds. It's the point of the whole damn trilogy.

Sometimes I don't know where RDJ ends and Tony Stark begins.

"Whatever."

Everything else has pretty much turned to shit so Tony's pretty much done with the universe. It might seem flippant after Pepper falling through flames before his eyes, but we've seen the Mark 42 fail gag like, four or five times by now, and he's over it. We're all over it.

OH NO THE SUITS except no, I don't really feel that way since I know Tony Stark is a hero without his suits and he's going to be in Avengers: Age of Ultron anyway. Also, it's not that surprising for an ending. The Iron Man trilogy has a rare gift within the story since the audience is part of it: RDJ's past and present is often referred to throughout Tony's character arc.

Just like RDJ, Tony throws his past over a cliff. RDJ did this on Independence Day ten years ago – he threw his bag of drugs into the ocean and then went to Burger King. Tony Stark went to a Burger King after he escaped from terrorists in Afghanistan. Tony threw his electromagnet into the ocean, and then said what we know now without a doubt:



"I am Iron Man."

(Screencaps provided by grande-caps)